We have a winner!

Of the least favorite movie category, that is.  Or a loser, depending on how you look at it.  I just got back from seeing Interstellar, and boy, those are three hours I am never ever getting back.  This if officially my least favorite movie of the year, probably the last decade, and it might end up as my least favorite movie of all time.

Spoilers follow... you have been warned.

Let's mention the good stuff -- alien planets!  They are very cool and those waterworld/ice landscapes are amazing and awesome.  They are, in fact, what got me to see the movie in the first place.  Too bad there's not much more to them than what they show in the trailer.  I could have saved myself those three hours.  The only other good thing was Matt Damon's short section. When he was there, there was movement, there was action, there was something halfway entertaining!

And that's it.  The rest sucked.  I'm a big fan of long movies.  Bring on Lawrence of Arabia, and The Lord of the Rings marathons, and all those other epics I love.  This one was interminable.  Ponderous, weighty... it's one of those films that likes to linger over things it considers important, cuz you know, we in the audience might be stupid and not pick up on Important Things.  It dragged, it lingered, it wallowed in its self-importantness, it would not end. 

I don't even mind predictable plots.  Predictable can be nice and comforting, and when done right, very satisfying.  But those movies tend to know they're predictable, and have a much faster pace, and so it isn't an issue.  This one has the pace of an inch worm and seems to think it's not predictable, and so things like Murph's poltergeist (really? Is there anybody in the audience who did not know this would be her father sending cryptic messages back to her? really? (and also, why can no EVER EVER EVER send back a non-cryptic message?)) gets emphasized unnaturally.  Anne Hathaway's character picking which planet to go to based on love rather than on facts, which you just know is going to end up being the right decision, cuz this movie has a Message.  The minute they mention there's a black hole by a couple of the planets, you just know we're going into it, and the black hole segments were even lamer than I could have imagined.

Cuz really, did no one see The Black Hole back in the late 70's?  I remember seeing that sucker in the theater, and my whole family came out going whaaaaat? when it ended.  Time has not improved black hole movies.  Seriously, they rank right up there with the "it was all a dream" movies on the scale of stupidity.  The Black Hole was a silly cheese fest with robots and a John Barry theme I can still sing today after never seeing the movie again after that theater viewing.  Interstellar was a pompous cheese fest with robots and the worst (and loudest) Hans Zimmer score I've ever suffered through.  Yes, I know.  I am not a Hans Zimmer fan.  Quite the opposite.  His name has actually kept me from going to see certain movies in the theater in the past.  And this film has only reinforced those opinions... when the king of repetition gives me a score like this, it's just plain painful.

And that's the problem.  For me, this movie was just plain painful to sit through.  I didn't like the characters, except for Matt Damon's character, and I'm guessing he was supposed to be insane despite seeming rational?  Cuz dude, he could have just said, "Yay!  You rescued me!  Let's get outta here!  My robot went glitchy and recorded bad info and this place really sucks!  Can we leave now?"  And we all would have happily left his planet and that would have been that.  But no.  He'd flipped his wig at some point.  Which, like I said, still provided the only interesting part of the movie.

But the rest of it... it isn't a happy movie, it isn't a sad one.  It isn't scary, it isn't humorous.  It isn't tense.  It isn't exciting.  It really isn't anything at all but three hours of unbelievable boredom.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to come away with.  I was hoping for a fun, exciting adventure in space.  I sure didn't get it.